The Only One Who Really Knew Me At All
by RoseWalker
Summary: When a certain pilot leaves, Heero finds it's more than he can handle. Contains Shonen ai!


Title: The only one who really knew me at all

Fandom: Gundam wing (If you didn't know!)

Warnings: This story is Shonen-ai (male x male love) if you don't like don't read! More 2x1 love! (hehe they so yummy together!) also some slight 3x4. Lots of angst, sort of suicide (you'll see) then a bit sappy!

Spoilers: slight spoilers from EW

Disclaimers: I do not own Gundam Wing as much as I wish they were mine but I do own a deathscythe hell hehe.

The song 'Against all odds' isn't mine either its Phil Collins's so talk to him

**Lyrics are in bold**

Please R&R I need them other wise I'll set my buddy deathscythe on you all hahaha!

-x-

How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace  
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh  
You're the only one who really knew me at all

The war was finally over… again. The Gundams had been destroyed and peace was finally a reality. Peace for the Earth and the colonies that was. Not for the mind of Heero Yuy. He was in complete turmoil. Now the war was over, he had no reason for his existence. He had nothing to live for. For the first time in his life he felt lost and helpless. What was left for him now? He was never meant to survive the first war, let alone a second. Now that he had, what was he to do? What was there for an ex soldier? There was always Relena, he supposed, but the very idea of spending any time with the ex-queen of the world was frankly, disturbing. There was one who he did think about all too much, however. But he was gone. Left earth without a look behind him. Heero knew it was his own fault. He could have stopped him, he could have said something, but he had remained silent. He had let him go. Heero knew that there was someone else in his heart and there was no way that the perfect soldier would have come between them. Heero cared for him too much. But Heero knew as soon as he was out of sight that he had lost a part of himself, the only other being that had understood him. It was difficult to even breathe without him. The others had smiled and waved. He had stood there like stone and remained silent. He had turned away and left for good. The last view Heero had had was of the long chestnut braid swinging behind him.

**How can you just walk away from me,  
When all I can do is watch you leave  
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears  
You're the only one who really knew me at all  
**

"Do you have to go Duo?" Quatre's face looked sad for once.

"Yeah sorry Q-man. I've gotta life to live now. Hilde's waitin' for me on L2. You know she got me the job. I owe her a lot." Duo smiled but Quatre could see his heart wasn't totally in it.

"I know. We've all found lives now… but we will miss you." Duo's violet gaze rested on Quatre's aqua.

"You guys won't miss me. Besides," He gave the blonde a nudge and a wink, "You got Trowa to look after you now." Quatre smiled and blushed then looked at his partner. Trowa smiled at the Arab and took his hand. "Hey Tro, look after him, you're the number one clown now I'm getting out the way. Keep them all smiling." Trowa laughed at this.

"Don't say that Duo. We'll always be here, you can always come back." Something flashed in Duo's eyes, Quatre sensed something like pain but put it down to the fact that he was leaving.

"Yeah I know, but I can't… Aww, I'll miss you guys." He grabbed each boy in a tight hug.

"You're not doing that to me Maxwell." Duo grinned at the Chinese pilot.

"Come on Wuffers, it's your last chance." He held his arms out as if to hug him. Wufei gave him a death glare. Duo just grinned harder. "Alright Wu-man, you win." He stood in front of Wufei and bowed to him. The Chinese man was shocked. Duo had never done that.

"Winner is right, we will miss you." It was the braided one's turn to be shocked.

"That sounded like you actually meant it." Wufei growled slightly. Duo looked to Heero. The Japanese pilot wasn't even looking at him.

"See ya round Heero." Duo tried. All he got in reply was the usual,

"Hn." He figured Heero was never one for words, he had thought he had got somewhere with him, but from that reaction, obviously not. He shrugged and grinned.

"I'll see ya all sometime. Don't forget to keep in touch." He picked up his duffle and walked to the gate. The others waved even though he didn't turn around again. It hurt Duo to look around. He thought he might have got something out of Heero, maybe even a goodbye. If Heero had been the one to ask him to stay he would have. But the Japanese man had ignored him completely. He looked to his future and would attempt to forget about his love for Heero Yuy, Perfect soldier, pathetic human. It hurt him to think that.

"You had the power to keep me Yuy and you blew it."

Heero ingrained the vision of Duo's back into his mind. He knew this would be the last time he would see the American. Damn that hurt! He had to let him. Heero couldn't have stopped him. He knew Duo didn't think of him the way he thought of the braided one. He proved that by walking away. None of them saw the tears that escaped the blue eyes.

On the trip back he stared blankly out of the window. He remained silent for the whole journey. The others never noticed anything unusual. Heero Yuy was usually quiet, why would they notice. They dropped him off outside his flat and drove off.

**So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space  
And there's nothing left here to remind me,  
Just the memory of your face  
Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space  
And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face  
**

He opened the door to his silent and empty flat, closed the door behind him and walked into the bedroom. He flopped onto the bed. He ran every moment he could remember of the times he and Duo had been together. From the moment the American had shot him, right through to when he saw the last flick of braid. He made sure he stored every memory so he could recall them when he wished. It was all he had left of the man he loved. Memories. He looked across the bed. How he had wanted Duo to share this bed. To have those violet eyes look at him with desire. To find out what Duo looked like with his hair down and what it would have felt like to run his fingers through those long chestnut strands. To know what Duo's skin would feel like against his. But his dream had gone into space with the American. Tears spilled down his face. He curled up into a ball and let his sadness envelop him.

Hours later he was still curled in a ball. His tears had long left him but the shattered remains of his heart stayed. It was dark now, but it didn't bother him. Darkness allowed him to imagine. Reality could return in the morning. He would face the truth then, the truth that Duo was not coming back. But for now, for now he had his dreams.

**I wish I could just make you turn around,  
Turn around and see me cry  
There's so much I need to say to you,  
So many reasons why  
You're the only one who really knew me at all**

He could see him just ahead; he wasn't going to reach him.

"Duo!" He called out to him. He must have heard. The figure paused then looked around. Large violet pools met his eyes. They shone brightly. He caught up to him. His eyes saddened when he saw the tears.

"Heero, why are you crying?" He wrapped his arms around the American. He caught his breath before talking.

"You can't leave, Duo. Please." Duo looked at Heero with confusion,

"Why can't I leave?"

"Because…" His voice faltered. Duo grabbed hold of him,

"Why can't I leave Heero?" Heero looked at him and took a deep breath.

"Because I love you, Duo." The American's face seemed blank for a moment, and then he opened his mouth.

The alarm rang through his brain. His arm shot out and hit the clock, hard. The plastic shattered. The alarm stopped but so did the clock. He slowly opened his eyes. His pillow met his gaze. He thumped it as if it was all the pillow's fault. He moaned. He hated waking up in this flat, he hated waking up alone, he hated waking up at all. He rubbed his eyes and slowly sat up. His head swam slightly. It was that stupid dream again, every time he managed to say his line but never heard what Duo would answer. It was the story of his life, doomed. Except that he didn't even get to tell Duo how much he loved him. He swung his legs out and sat on the edge of the bed. He dragged his hands through his thick hair. He didn't want to go to work today. He stood and walked into the living room and grabbed the phone. He dialled the number.

"Hi…it's Yuy…"

**So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space  
And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face  
Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space  
**

"Winner here."

"Winner, it's Chang."

"Hey Wufei." Quatre brightened at the sound of his friend's voice. Trowa looked up from his work.

"Is Barton with you?" The tall man moved from his desk to stand by Quatre's side.

"Here, what's up?" Trowa's deep voice next to his ear, made Quatre jump slightly, then shiver with delight. There was something about his lover's voice that made him squirm with pleasure. The warm feeling was quickly dispelled with Wufei's voice.

"It's Yuy." Frowns crossed both men's faces.

"What's happened?" Quatre was now worried. If Wufei was calling them like this, it had to be serious.

"I'm not sure. Have either of you heard from him?" They both thought for a moment.

"We haven't heard from him for at least a month." Trowa finally replied. The line was quiet for a moment.

"That is indeed worrying. I haven't heard from him either. That is unlike Yuy. He used to insist we had to 'report' in regularly. I'll tell you something else. I tried contacting his work place. They said they hadn't heard from him, he had quit his job over a month ago. No real reason given. No references asked for either. He's not working at all." Quatre gasped,

"He quit! Why? Heero wouldn't do that."

"Well Winner, he did."

"Have you got an address for him, Wufei?" Trowa still sounded calm.

"As far as we know he is still at his flat. That's the last address we have for him." Trowa nodded,

"How quick can you get there?"

"I can be there within the hour." The Chinese man replied.

"Meet you there."

"Right, Chang out." The line went dead. The blond Arab looked up at Trowa with large aqua eyes.

"Trowa… do you think he's…" The Latin held him close.

"He'll be fine love, he'll be fine."

Wufei kicked the door in.

The three of them had met up out side the block of flats fifteen minutes before. Quatre couldn't believe that Heero Yuy had stooped as low as this neighbourhood. It was a dump. Someone had walked out of the main door, letting them in. Wufei tutted with disgust then muttered something about 'lacking security'. They had noticed the post boxes at the bottom of the stairwell, one with 'H. Yuy' stuck across it. They had climbed the stairs. A woman walked out of her flat.

"Excuse me, do you know Mr. Yuy?" Quatre asked the woman. She looked a little startled.

"Um, I'm his neighbour. Can't say I really know him though. He's the strong silent type." She smiled slightly.

"Do you know if he's in?" He asked hopefully. The woman shrugged.

"I haven't seen him in ages. He hardly ever leaves now. So yeah, he's probably in. Don't know if you'll get an answer though." She gave a friendly smile at the three then turned and left. Quatre looked worriedly at the other two. They had quickly moved to the door of the flat belonging to their friend. Quatre had knocked and waited, knocked a bit harder and waited and then nearly knocked the door down and waited. Finally Wufei did knock the door down.

What met their eyes nearly brought Quatre to tears. The flat resembled a rubbish tip. Piles of clothes lined the walls. Plates lay unwashed in the sink. Food was half eaten and was growing its own friends. Heero was nowhere in sight. They made their way through the sea of decay and washing and headed towards the bedroom. The view didn't improve much but one thing did catch their eye.

"By Allah! Heero!" Quatre navigated the pit until he reached the bed. Heero lay sprawled across it. His eyes stared blankly up at the ceiling. "Heero, please?" The blond dreaded the worst. The Japanese man hadn't even flinched. He gingerly placed his fingers against Heero's neck. He expected to feel cold skin but was surprised when the flesh beneath his fingers was warm. He found a pulse easy enough. The Arab looked more closely at the young man lying next to him and his heart wrenched. Heero was almost so skinny it was painful, his cheeks hollow, his ribs painfully obvious. His skin looked a sickly grey instead of the shining bronze it should have been. His eyes that were so distant they seemed to have lost their deep blue. If there hadn't been a pulse, Quatre would have said the figure lying on the bed before him was dead. Quatre ran his fingers through Heero's thick bangs,

"Why Heero, why?" He finally let the tears fall. Wufei was on his mobile,

"Get me Po, now!"

**  
But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face  
Take a good look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here  
And you coming back to me is against all odds  
It's the chance I've gotta take  
**

Heero blinked his eyes open. Then promptly shut them again. It was painful. It was so… white. He opened his eyes again. That wasn't his ceiling. He looked around him. It wasn't his room. He didn't recognise anything. He looked down at his arm. An intravenous drip was imbedded in his hand. He looked at it with a slight frown. What the hell was he doing in a hospital? He had no time for self-reflection as the door to his room opened.

"Ahh, how are you feeling Mr. Yuy?" A smiling Sally Po entered the room. Heero responded with a,

"Hn."

"Better then, obviously." She sat beside his bed as she flicked through his notes.

"Heero, when did you last have a decent meal?" Heero looked at her and frowned.

"I had a tin of baked beans the other day."

"Which you hardly touched and it hardly counts as a decent meal. Heero did you know you nearly died?"

"Mission failed." Sally looked at him with disbelief.

"How could you do this Heero? Blowing yourself up during the war was one thing. Starving yourself is another. You have friends that care about you, why would you do this?" Heero looked back up at the ceiling,

"I didn't want to live anymore. I have no reason to. I should have died in that war." His voice was bitter. Sally was saddened by it. The boys had all done well to have moved on with their lives, or so she had thought.

"But why Heero?" He looked back at her again,

"Because he's not here anymore." Now the doctor was confused,

"Who's not Heero?" He remained silent. She thought he had fallen asleep again when his voice, barely a whisper, said one word,

"Duo."

Sally walked out of the room to be met by three anxious faces. Quatre was curled up on Trowa's lap. The clown holding him tight, a silent but solid comfort for the Arab. Wufei was pacing like a trapped tiger. He stopped as soon as he saw Sally. The doctor sighed once the door clicked shut.

"I've done all I can for him."

"Will he be alright?" Quatre asked, worry still filled his voice.

"It depends." Wufei glared,

"What is that supposed to mean woman?" Sally didn't know where to look, she decided on her hands.

"Heero has a condition that even I can't cure." Quatre leaped from Trowa's lap, making the green-eyed man start.

"What do mean 'condition'?" Sally smiled sadly.

"You're friend is suffering from a serious case of heartbreak." All three males looked confused. "Heero is in love. Except it isn't returned." Trowa stood beside his lover,

"Who?"

"Someone very close to you all." Wufei growled out two syllables,

"Maxwell." The doctor nodded.

"Without him I think Heero might give up the will to live."

"It's a good job I'm here then isn't it?" Four pairs of eyes shot round to look at the speaker.

Heero returned to staring at the ceiling. It was as much as he could do. He had no strength anymore. Every day had been a struggle for him. It became more and more difficult to even get through the day. He ended up spending his time on the bed staring at the ceiling. It had been a blank canvas for his imagination. He had pictured Duo there. Many ideas had covered that ceiling, of what could have been, but it was all in vain. Duo was not coming back. His mind knew this but his heart couldn't let go. His heart wouldn't let go. He was still standing at the shuttle port, watching the braided one leave again and again, reminding him of what he lost, of what he should have done. He slowly dozed off again.

"Heero." No he didn't want to wake up. He could hear his voice calling him; he didn't want to loose that. "Heero." He felt himself being shaken and as he returned to consciousness he realised that the voice was real and not in his mind. His eyes shot open to meet with violet ones. His jaw dropped. "Hey Heero, what have you been doing to yourself?" It was a rhetorical question. Duo looked down at him with a smile that Heero could see straight through. The braided man's eyes shone with tears not with his usual spark.

"Duo." The Japanese man managed to croak out.

"Why Heero?" It was that horrid question again. Heero closed his eyes again and turned his face away. "Tell me why damn it!" Heero opened his eyes again but looked out of the window. He couldn't face him now; he was embarrassed by how helpless he looked. He hated that Duo could see him like this. He felt Duo take his hand. "If you don't talk, there is no point of me being here." Heero could feel fresh tears running down his face. Duo released his grip and let the hand drop. Heero heard the American sigh and the door open. He clenched his fists,

"Don't go." Duo paused and looked over to the figure on the bed. "Don't go Duo please." The braided man walked back to the bed after shutting the door again.

"Why can't I leave Heero?" The Japanese man noticed the similarity of this conversation and of those he had imagined. He had been thrown a second chance, he couldn't mess this up.

"Because I… Because…" He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Tell me, I need to know." Heero looked deep into the violet eyes,

"Because I love you." There was a silent pause. Then Heero felt himself being held up in strong arms. The tears came faster.

"Damn you Yuy. Why didn't you tell me before? You could have stopped me, I didn't have to go, I didn't want to."

"I…I thought you loved Hilde…" Heero managed to sob. Duo dropped the sobbing soldier in shock.

"You… thought… Oh Heero! I only went there so I could forget about you. I thought you didn't love me 'cos damn I love you. I didn't think you gave a stuff about me so I left. If I'd known… god I would have never let you get like this. When Quatre called me I didn't know what to think, what to expect. I never thought I'd see you like this. God damn it Heero, you're so stupid. I don't know whether to scream at you or kiss you." He finally finished his ramble. Heero looked almost lost,

"You love me?" It took a while for the Japanese man's voice to sink in. Duo blinked his large violet eyes, then nodded with a sheepish look on his face. Deep Prussian eyes stared into violet. A little of his strength returned, he grabbed hold of Duo's top and pulled him close. Soft lips met his own in a firm kiss before Duo melted into him.

"I believe the cure has been administered." Quatre's voice was almost a giggle.

"Don't tease, little one." Trowa scolded but had a large smile on his face. Wufei stood beside them, arms folded.

"I never thought we'd find something to keep Maxwell quiet." Sally stood in the background and smiled happily. Duo pulled apart from the kiss but rested his nose against Heero's.

"I think we've got an audience."

"Let them look." He wrapped his hand around the back of the braided ones head and pulled him in for another kiss.

**  
Take a look at me now**


End file.
